Thoughts on breastfeeding while in Leeds

Yup, I’d love to look at the Lego too, Bertie. But Barnaby woke up as we finished our meal and you were being a pest so we needed to leave and I didn’t get a chance to feed him so now he’s screaming in the middle of the shop and you and daddy are off looking at all the Lego and I don’t know what to do.

Ok, I’ve found a bench and it’s not too far from the shop so you’ll both see me when you leave.

Make sure the pram is close so the bags don’t get nicked.

Try not to expose too much boob while he latches. Oh. Thank fuck he was starving so he’s latched right on.

He’s calmed. Phew. Crisis averted. Why isn’t he wearing socks? He had socks when we left the restaurant. When did the socks come off? Did he have them on in the Lego shop? Were they on in the lift? I bet I’m going to get the blame for losing the socks. Oh well, it’s only socks. Look how cute his feet are. Why do we even bother with socks that he always kicks off anyway? His feet are cute, let them be free!

Right, the man who just left the shop opposite definitely just tutted. Did he tut at me? Am I exposing too much? Nope, barely anything out despite Barnaby’s best attempt at lifting my top up. We’re all covered. Tut away, sir, your tut doesn’t phase me.

That group of girls over there are laughing so loud. Are they laughing at me? I bet they are. I know I look a state – train journeys, walking across leeds, containing an over-excited and over-tired 3 year old doesn’t make anyone look good! To be honest I looked a mess before kids but at least I have an excuse now. They stopped laughing as they walked past me and started again once passed. I was definitely the butt of the joke.

I’m starting to feel quite self-conscious now. Unfamiliar city, it’s getting dark, I’m on my own. I’ll be ok. It would be nice if someone smiled at me though.

He’s had one side and he’s quite content. Haha he’s trying to grab my phone. Am I on my phone too much around him? Does that make me a bad mum? Don’t be daft, he’s just exploring his world. There’s plenty of worse mums out there, you’re doing fine.

I’d best give him the other side cause it’s been a while since his last feed. Please someone just smile at us. I need the boost!

Oh that’s the sweet girl from the restaurant there. She’s smiling, that’s cute. Oh, her mum just said something in her ear and scowled at me. Brilliant. Because that’s what we need more of isn’t it.

I wish Brett and Bertie would hurry up. I don’t want to be sat here on my own much longer. I hope they’re not spending too much money.

Still no sign of the boys. I think Barnaby is falling asleep. If he falls asleep he’ll do the head flop back thing and totally expose me. Please don’t fall asleep. Jostle his bum a bit. Ahh yes, he’s more awake now.

A group of women all dressed up for a night out. I remember nights out. I look back on them fondly but have no desire to do it all again. Hangovers are not for me. Those outfits though. Did I ever go out dressed in such skimpy clothes? Probably. And why not? They’ll probably take one look at me and laugh though. Gosh, I look a state. Just look at me compared to them. Don’t look my way. I look awful. Oh good, they’re gonna walk right past. Oh no, they’re looking at me. Don’t look at me. Please don’t look at me.

Wait.

She smiled. The one on the far end totally just smiled at me. Like a knowing smile. Does she have kids? Does she just get it? She definitely smiled.

Thank you stranger. I needed that smile.

Barnaby’s asleep and he’s done the head flop thing and my boob was totally exposed to the world for a nano-second but I don’t care anymore because somebody smiled.

All dressed up, ready for her night out, but instead of judging me she smiled. And you bet I smiled right back at her. I hope you enjoy your night out.

My world is right again. For now.

Gently pick him back up and pop him back in the pram. The boys are still in the shop. You’ll have chance to look at the Lego and maybe even plan some Christmas presents.

Oh. Great. Thanks. Sick.

At least you’re cute.